By Mike Bibb
I'm about as graceful on a dance floor as an octopus would be in a skating rink. While my skills and efforts may be questionable, the end result is overwhelmingly pitiful.
So, refrain your impulses from dancing with me unless you don't mind risking bruises, skin lacerations, fractured toes, shin splints and maybe a twisted ankle — or two.
Not too mention the embarrassing comments you'd immediately receive from your previous friends and relatives; all pointing fingers and whispering unpleasantries.
Admittedly, my dancing skills are even worse than my political observations — if that's possible.
Anyway, I've been a little amazed over the controversy President Trump has stirred because he's updating the White House to include a large room that can be used for various meetings and social events.
Including, dancing.
And, he's doing it with his money and other private donations.
Yet, Democrats are treating his efforts like the British have landed again and set fire to the building — again.
Good grief, Dems, take a chill pill. This isn't 1812 and Trump isn't a Redcoat General.
He's the " New Hitler," remember? Well, he was until you promoted him to King.
Kings are entitled to have dance halls, too. I think it falls under the 1st Amendment. Something about "the right of the people to peaceably assemble."
I'd imagine that includes dancing, as long as it doesn't develop into a full blown riot.
Besides, what guy would spend his own money constructing an addition to a house he's only temporarily occupying?
He'll be moving out in a few years, so what's the big deal?
If the next President is a Democrat, and doesn't like to dance, I suppose he/she can spend their money and tear the thing down.
Maybe, building, demolishing and rebuilding portions of the White House can become an executive tradition to suit the whims of the current tenant.
Presently, Capitol Hill's creative juices could dub the new facility "The Orange Man Room," followed by "Kamala's 'I am a historic figure' Room," then "What's An AOC Room?" maybe eventually "The Bill & Hillary Rest Room," et cetera.
Conceivably, the area could be officially listed as — "The Office of He, She, Human, It, Trans."
Or, simply the acronym "OHSHIT" posted above the entrance since most agencies of government are known by their clever abbreviations.
The possibilities are endless as Congress' imagination when spending your taxes.
Since Trump is a real-estate developer, he might include several levels of luxury apartments above the new annex. Visiting big shots and other narcissistic dignitaries, could rent the rooms for several thousand dollars a night.
However, the more luxurious suites would also include access to a hallway ice machine and a Trump's Tasty Tarts candy dispenser. Both equipped with an easy-to-use "Tap" credit card feature w/tip % selection.
Of course, in keeping with Washinton's building codes, the design would have to resemble something looking like a combination of the Jefferson Memorial, Supreme Court and McDonald's Golden Arches.
Surely, Democrats wouldn't oppose having the convenience of obtaining a delicious order of chicken nuggets and fries while filibustering. Especially if the delivery was made by someone as attractive as Rep. Maxine "Get in their faces" Waters.
Joe Biden was the former McDonald's delivery guy, but frequently got lost when walking orders across the street to Congressional offices. Sometimes, he'd end-up at the Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool, intently staring into the water and wondering who he was seeing.
As a result, the Mickey D job obviously required a person with more self-awareness and D.C. street savvy. Or at least, could find the Capitol without GPS assistance.
Maxine met all the qualifications and was selected over runner-up applicant, Kamala Harris. Who, by this time, had returned to California — a trillion dollars richer.
When she's not dispensing her AI knowledge in Congress, Maxi could have the starring role in a "What happens when you spend too much time at a California beach and don't use enough UVA-SPF lotion" public-service commercial.
Compared to that image, Godzilla could be GQ magazine's "Man of the Year."
Actually, I might be mistaken. I've never realized, for sure, if Godzilla is a boy or a girl. Either way, the monster would still win in a one-on-one beauty contest with Maxi.
For that matter, it's equally difficult to tell if it's really Maxine and not Maxwell?
I'm also uncertain Trump has considered all the pros and cons of his new White House Ball Room, or the consternation it has imposed upon the delicate dispositions of Democrats.
Their seams will really fray when they discover many of the union contractors and workers are probably descendants of slaves a few hundred years ago.
Which, I'm sure, Dems will use to concoct a fantasy to blame Trump for the Civil War. Possibly, the Revolutionary War. Maybe, even the landing of the Mayflower, when those greedy Pilgrims began snatching the entire continent from whomever snatched it before them.
Heck, Trump may have had a few Aztecs who were ancient cousins.
Coincidentally, I've seen old Kodak pictures of Adam, the guy munching on a Granny Smith apple in Eden's garden. He sure looks a lot like Donald when he was getting started in the New York real estate business.
Come to think if it, Eve sorta resembles Maxine — before her unfortunate UVA-SPF incident.
You don't suppose the two could actually be genetically connected through some kind of freakish accident of nature?
Nah, that'd be too weird for even a Democrat!!!
