A woman in Poulsbo WA recently dialed 911 in a panic begging for the police to come and help her. She told operators that a large gang had threatened her and had invaded her home. She was in fear for her life but was able to get out of the house and into her car. When asked where she was at the moment, operators were a bit surprised when she said she was sitting in the driveway of her home despite the fact that she was in fear of her life and you would expect her to drive away to someplace safe.

Officers were quickly dispatched to the home and made contact with the woman. She didn't have to explain much because it was obvious that her home was overrun by this gang of masked miscreants. Hundreds of raccoons were in the yard, in the trees, On the House and some had even made it into the house. The woman explained that she had been feeding the raccoons for 35 years but in the last several months rather than the three or four dozen that normally showed up,  herds had begun showing up. Lady, it's clear what was going on. It was a family reunion. Probably 8 or 9 generations of raccoons had gathered at the place where they knew they could get plenty of food and water for their celebration.

Officers, as well as many of you, could see that this problem would clearly escalate over time. Start giving free food to any animal, or human for that matter, and more will show up. It's a never-ending cycle.

The unidentified woman explained that she had contacted local businesses that will remove wildlife but was told that it would be about $500 per raccoon which is more than she could afford.

To me, the solution is simple. You just put out the word for the rednecks. Bubba and Billy Bob have coon dogs that are experienced in hunting raccoons. It would probably cost you 3 or 4 cases of beer and you'd be rid of the nuisance in no time.

If you don't like that solution, then I'd be glad to do it for a couple of thousand. All you'd have to do is get a big U-Haul truck, put some food in the back and then close the door once they got inside. We could drive them to California and let them go. There would be some environmental or animal rights group that would take care of them.

Clearly I'm a problem solver, so if you have a similar situation to which you cannot find a solution let me know I'll be glad to help.