By Elaine Carlson

"Yeah Gawds, What do I have here?" I said to myself one Saturday morning.

What I had was a pile of dead insects. That is what I saw after I woke up and went into the kitchen. And it was a big heaping pile. There were also some living insects scampering around the edges. And others were inside the pile weaving around the dead bodies.

Afterwards I was wishing I had counted them. I first thought there must have been two hundred. Or at least a hundred. Finally I decided a good ballpark estimate was 70.

Several weeks earlier I had started to have problems with bugs. There seemed to be so many. I couldn't walk around without seeing insects running around on the floors.

I shouldn't have been surprised to see that pile. I told the woman I pay to help me with my housework I had an insect invasion. On Friday she brought over a magic potion she said "will fix your problem." I hoped she was right.

It is just that I didn't think ahead. Now it seems logical that when she said she would "fix your problem"she didn't promise me that the insects would go away. I should have been satisfied I didn't have a lot of live insects in my home.

I kept surveying the mess and it looked like a battle field. Was it a model for the days following the Battle of Gettysburg in the Civil War? Or could it be possible that the insects rushing around just meant the potion my housekeeper brought in was less than 100% effective?

Later I went into the bathroom and there was a smaller pile of insects there. It was the exact same scene but my ballpark was 30. I used the toilet as a chair and stayed to look at them. Again most of the insects were dead but there were some live ones.

It didn't take me long to realize the live insects were not in good condition. I would first see them running around as if nothing were wrong with them. But then slowly they were only teetering. A lot of them would wiggle before turning over. When their legs stopped moving I knew their death throes were over. And after ten or fifteen minutes there were no survivors. I went back to the kitchen and there were no living insects there either. So the potion was good --- damn good.

A week later I began seeing insects again. I was sure the tiny little creatures were new ones entering my house after my housekeeper's magic potion lost its effectiveness. Or maybe that was not so obvious. Could a few of the ones here on Friday have dodged the bullet (magic potion) and not died? And maybe hid out so I didn't see them?

That time I decided to take care of the insects by putting out Roach Motels. I was going to wait for any substantial insect invasion before I try more extreme measures. So far I have never seen more than a few insects in the house.

Life has been good and I am grateful I have had no more substantial insect invasions.