Self Confidence
We spend a whole lot of time talking and thinking about things and people we like. But every once in a while it's just as, if not more, important to stop and ask yourself, "Am I likeable?"
Want to find out if you're perceived as likeable? Take a moment to answer these questions:
. Do you try to be interested or interesting?
. Do you listen to understand or to be understood?
. Do you give people the benefit of the doubt?
. When communicating, is your goal to get it right or to be right?
. Do you pay attention to your nonverbal communication?
Here's a breakdown of why each of these are so important:
Interested or interesting:
Dale Carnegie once said, "You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you." What do you spend more time doing?
Listen to understand or to be understood:
When communicating, do you spend the majority of your time trying to get people to understand your point of view, or do you ask questions to try to understand their frame of reference and where they're coming from? People who listen to understand are perceived as more interesting and likeable.
Giving people the benefit of the doubt:
If you've ever seen someone act rudely, chances are, you made an assumption about them as a person. If however you've acted rudely, you probably knew that wasn't your intention, it was just a bad day. We are often guilty of judging ourselves by our intentions and others by their behavior. Be generous and give others the benefit of the doubt.
Communicating to get it right, not to be right:
We often get so caught up in trying to be right, that we forget the actual goal of our communication. The next time you're in a conflict or a tenuous situation, stop and ask yourself, "What is my goal? Am I trying to be right or get it right?"
Nonverbal communication:
Everything from our eye contact and body language to the way we dress and carry ourselves communicates about us. What message are you sending to others? Do you look at people while they are talking, or are you checking your phone for a new email? Do you fidget or stand confidently? What does your nonverbal communication say about you?
Chances are, you are pretty darn likeable just the way you are, but it never hurts to try to improve. This self evaluation can lead to more self confidence, and according to a new study, it is suggested that the biggest predictor of career success is confidence-not talent, hard work or education.
The study of more than 500 students, academics and workers-which was recently published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology-found that individuals who appear more confident achieve a higher social status than their peers.
"People who believed they were better than others, even when they weren't, were given a higher place in the social ladder," says Cameron Anderson, a management professor who led the research, in a University of California, Berkley press release. "And the motive to attain higher social status thus spurred overconfidence. In organizations, people are very easily swayed by others' confidence even when that confidence is unjustified. Displays of confidence are given an inordinate amount of weight."
Anderson adds that his research suggests that organizations should be skeptical of their managers' and employees' confidence.
In one test, the researchers found that overconfident people talked more and participated more extensively in group tasks even though they were less competent. In another test, people who made louder claims to know the right answers on a general knowledge test were held in the highest regard, even in cases when they got the answers wrong.
"This overconfidence did not come across as narcissistic," Anderson says. "The most overconfident people were considered the most beloved."
Anderson adds that he hopes his research will "give people the incentive to look for more objective indices of ability and merit in others, instead of overvaluing unsubstantiated confidence."
Note: This article is from the August, 20, 2012 issue of Advancement Weekly, an electronic newsletter to which WNMU subscribes.
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Self-Confidence
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